My Damn Opinion

My Fellow Americans

2008-07-04T02:49:49Z

Happy Fourth. ^_^

mightybakudan @ 2008-07-01T17:15:00

2008-07-01T23:15:31Z

True story, sweartagawd

2008-06-30T19:50:11Z

True story, as wilder_hiryu is my witness:

So, here at the Wellbridge accounting office, we process paperwork and contracts for the various health clubs owned by the company. At the end of every month, the clubs start sending in the paperwork they should have been sending in over the course of the entire month, so we often get slammed on the last day with huge amounts of forms and contracts. Thusly:

My Boss: The Clayton club just sent me a 75 page fax!
Coworker 1: Holy cow....
Coworker 2: That's unbelievable.
My Boss: 75 pages! This is out of control!
Coworker1 : This is madness.
Dan, standing up from his desk and shaking his fist in rage: THIS! IS! WELLBRIDGE!

*hilarity ensues*

I had to go around to Coworker 1's desk afterwards and thank her for the fabulous setup. You don't often get a straight line like that, and it's important not to waste them. ^_^

WTF?

2008-06-29T17:29:02Z

What the....?

The business cards disparage both Obama and Sen. John McCain but have messages of support for Sen. Hillary Clinton.

Anger Management

2008-06-20T06:14:03Z

Okay, so I haven't posted about Iron Man, mostly because I took it upon myself to just tell everyone face to face how much it rules. The fact that I've seen it three times and I'm planning for a fourth probably speaks for itself. Iron Man is one of my favorite superheros anyway, and I was extremely happy that they did a good movie for him. But tonight I just saw The Hulk. I saw the last Hulk movie, aptly named "Shrek Attacks" by derrosencrantz, and was wholly underwhelmed. Those who like The Hulk in general liked that movie, and that's okay. Personally, I spent two hours staring at Jennifer Connelly, which is always time well spent in my book, but then I didn't give it another thought. So when I sat down in the theatre this evening, I didn't know what I might be seeing. If nothing else, if it sucked I could skip out and catch the last showing of Iron Man at the theater that night.

However, I hereby declare the new Hulk to be one notch below Iron Man in degrees of awesomeness.

This is, admittedly, using my own personal scale, whereby Iron Man outranks The Hulk anyway. There are several things that sold this movie to me:

- Better Hulk CG effect. Thank you. Abomination was also well done, I was pleased with the effect. I don't normally like watching two CG monsters duke it out, but I was jumping up and down in my seat. The ending fight scene is phenomenal.

- Tons and tons of nods to the other Hulk productions, including the subtle and well placed use of The Lonely Man theme and a cameo from Lou Ferrigno, who doesn't look like age has dimmed his physique. He also provides the voice of the Hulk himself, all two words of it.

- Fast pacing and good cinematography. Notice I didn't mention the plot or the acting - this is a superhero movie, people.

- Direct tie-ins to the other planned movies, including overt discussion of the Super Soldier program from WWII and the revitalization of it, the S.H.I.E.L.D. database in action, and plenty of Stark Industries logos all over the military hardware you see throughout the film. Speaking of which, those of you who sat through the credits for Iron Man no longer have to worry about that, the cat is out of the bag now, so they put your Avengers tie-in scene right before the credits, so there's nothing to see afterwards.

And my personal favorite of all - Bruce Banner learns martial arts and practices meditation to control his anger. I would have liked it if we could have seen him use the moves he learned as Banner when he's the Hulk, but I suppose we'll just have to wait for next time. ^_^

The Legend is Born

2008-06-17T02:15:33Z

Why the hell didn't I think of this?

I predict we'll bee seeing a lot more of these around, quite soon. Someone needs to add some music to this, like The Ride of the Valkyries.

I'm voting Republican

2008-06-15T04:27:33Z

Thanks to the lovely and talented sixtyforty.

This is what I get for speaking up

2008-06-10T20:54:28Z

So, elvenseeker posts this:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions of a personal nature.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You ~~will~~ can include this as an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions

*You can also just comment to ask 5 questions of your own if you don't want me to interview you*

And I just HAVE to say something. Now I have to answer some very good questions.

1. What is the most important quality you look for in friendships?
I guess I don't look for qualities in friendships. I just hang with people, and if they piss me off I stop talking to them. Not having had oodles and oodles of friends as a child, I don't put any restrictions on friendships.

2. The world is reduced to a post-apocalyptic state: what do you do and why?
Well, depends on the reason for the apocalypse. If it's more mundane reason, then I would set about trying to gather as many people together as I could, so that we could aid each other in survival. If it's a more fantastical reason, I would probably strike out on my own, or maybe with just a few people I really closely trusted.

3. You are chosen to compete in a MMA championship. What is your reaction?
My first reaction is "What brainchild chose my fat ass?", followed closely by the suspicion that I'm being set up, maybe start looking for Marsellus Wallace to call me in for a sit-down meeting. But if it all seems on the level, I would probably quit my job and focus on full time training, 8 hours a day. And upgrade my health insurance.

4. What song do you think best describes your life?
Freedom, by George Michael.

5. What one thing would you like to do most in your life?
I would love to get back to teaching martial arts, and learning martial arts. The two are not exclusive.

For the nerd who has everything

2008-06-06T15:47:27Z

wardkebot, nomadphoenix...I thought of you first. ^_^

And so it begins

2008-06-05T18:29:57Z

Word spread like wildfire in Catholic circles: Douglas Kmiec, a staunch Republican, firm foe of abortion and veteran of the Reagan Justice Department, had been denied Communion. His sin? Kmiec, a Catholic who can cite papal pronouncements with the facility of a theological scholar, shocked old friends and adversaries alike earlier this year by endorsing Barack Obama for president.

mightybakudan @ 2008-06-04T17:38:00

2008-06-04T23:40:36Z

Keep up the good work

2008-05-29T23:36:58Z

"The ability of the monkeys to interact with the robotic arm and objects in the work space embodies a "multi-degree-of-freedom" that "paves the way towards the development of dexterous prosthetic devices that could ultimately achieve arm and hand function at a near natural level," according to the Nature article."

Heeheeheeheeheeeeeeee!!

And in other news: Robotic suit amplifies human strength. Well, DUH! I knew that already.

Doctor gave me a pill and I'm growing a new kidney!

2008-05-27T18:07:30Z

This is some great news. Thanks allpowerfulbob!

And if you can tell me where the quote above came from, I'll give you a dollar. Bob, you're disqualified from that offer.

mightybakudan @ 2008-05-26T22:22:00

2008-05-27T04:25:36Z

How we roll

2008-05-21T17:34:57Z

Due to an excess of nonsense, I have removed the comments from this post. From now on, please post your hateful bullshit in your own LJs. Thanks.

I want to believe

2008-05-20T04:34:05Z

At heart, I am an idealist.

This presents it's own problems, having to live in the real world all the time. Things are rarely as good as they could possibly be, good being entirely relative, and life being in constant flux as it is. But there was a time once, not too long ago, I had a lot of hope. A lot of certainty that things would be okay, that they would work out for the best, that the Gods really were watching out for us all and weren't going to let the whole thing come flying apart. Any of you who have read my LJ over the last few years probably have noticed that I have lost that hope, for the most part.

But I would really love to have hope again.

Kain once referred to hope as "that most cruel of all illusions." An astute observation, but Kain was an utter pessimist, and given the existence he endured that's understandable. But I have come to adopt that as my own philosophy lately, kicking hope aside whenever it dared to show it's face, and laughing at it when it proved unfounded. Kind of like kicking a puppy, I suppose. A puppy I myself feel wronged by, a puppy I once put all my faith in and who let me down horribly.

And yet it keeps coming back.

Because it's not hope's fault that bad things happen. It's not hope that causes the shit to rain down on your head. Perhaps....perhaps it's a lack of hope that causes it. I know for certain that we make the world with our thoughts, and that our focus determines our reality. I know for certain that many people, all working and thinking and focusing and hoping together can literally move mountains. I've watched it happen. But hope just doesn't seem like enough anymore.

Or is it?

I think hope represents potential. It represents the possibility that things can be different. That bad shit isn't going to happen all the time, that every cloud has a silver lining, that it can't rain all the time and the sun really is going to come out tomorrow. And potential is very, very powerful, I know that as well. That's something I can't explain in words, having held real potential in my hand and felt it's power shake me to the bone, rattling like a tiny explosion waiting to happen, but knowing when it does happen, all that potential energy shrinks to nearly nothing, because it has become something. But that's more metaphysical/philosophical than I want to get right now. Because I have to live in the real world. And in the real world, babies are murdered, people are horrifically abused by those they love, the government lies to your face, psychotic fiscal entities shape the very earth and train the people on it to propagate their continued existence at the cost of their souls, and I still have to pay the rent, whether I have it or not. So I'd better have it. There's no time for hope in the real world.

But it keeps coming back.

That spark of idealism won't go away. It won't be crushed. And I hear about new and spiffy ideas that would make the world a better place and I think, "How sad....it's going to buried forever." But I keep thinking about them. And I keep learning about the new ones. And I keep telling people when I hear about them. I guess my hope really won't go away. But my current problem is this:

Barack Obama is giving me hope.

I wish he would cut it the hell out. I wish he would start using the same nasty, filthy smear tactics as everyone else in his campaign, instead of trying to inspire people to act in the country's best interest or treating even the little people with respect. I wish he would stop being noble, I wish he would stop focusing on the real issues and just start slinging mud like everyone else, and I wish I didn't see that he has the potential to really change something. I know he can't change everything, that's silly. He really is only one person, and the president hasn't really run the country since they sold it off to the corporations 50-60 years ago. Bobcat Goldthwaite put it best: "Blaming the president for the way things are is like blaming Ronald McDonald when you get a bad cheeseburger - he's not the guy in charge, he just has his picture on everything." The country is run by and for the benefit of big business, who has insinuated itself so firmly into the infrastructure of the country that at this point if we cut it out, we would die. They can do anything they want, and what they want to is make money. That's the crazy part - they're not even human. We can't just cut off someone's head and bring it all to an end. The hydra will just grow another head, and the monster lives on. From what I can see, there is no escaping it.

And yet here I am, having hope. Here I sit, thinking that maybe there is a way out of this mess, and while I don't know that he will create it, maybe he'll point us along the path. I don't think he'll make any miracles, but maybe he'll set a new example. I don't think he'll turn the world around, but maybe he'll remind us that we already know how to turn the world around. Maybe he'll bring some honor and dignity back to the office of president, instead of the colossal joke it's been as long as I can remember.

I don't know if I want to have hope. No, that's not true. I don't know if I dare to have hope. Because I can feel it, back there in the corner of my mind, that poor kicked puppy lurking in a shadowy corner, staring at me with those eyes, telling me that this time, it really will be okay, this time things will go right, you'll see, just hang in there. And I say to that puppy, even if I hope, there are so many things that can go wrong. So much that he can't control, so much that isn't going to change.

Can we really afford to have hope?

And that puppy looks up at me and says, Yes We Can.

I have you now...

2008-05-14T17:52:53Z

Clearly, he is not a Jedi yet.

Thanks to lantis_aka_ish

Thought for the day

2008-05-11T23:08:10Z

"Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of children everywhere."

- J. O'Barr, The Crow

Crazy Talk

2008-04-30T04:34:52Z

Alright, I need to get something off my chest. I am very wary of making my LJ into a big pity party, so I often don't share this kind of information. If you don't want to look at this, skip it.

My whole adult life, I have had issues around women and me. For as long as I can remember, I have firmly believed that I was undesirable. In the last few years, it has been brought to my attention that things aren't nearly that bad, and I'm apparently quite desirable. But I can't make myself believe it. It's not that I don't want to, or don't see the signs, or don't want to be involved with someone, I really do. But I cannot make myself believe that it could happen. This is an irrational, uncontrollable belief, and it has resisted everything I have thrown at it, including things that have worked on other bad thought patterns. I have been running into this brick wall again and again and again, and I'm starting to see blood, metaphorically speaking. I don't know what to do.

To give you some perspective on this problem, let's go through my thought pattern when it comes up: Upon seeing an attractive woman, my first thought is "Oh wow." My second thought, close on the heels of the first, is "You're not good enough for her" or "She's WAY out of your league" or something similar. The more attractive I find the woman, the worse this is. This thought, combined with the evidence at hand of my own shortcomings, of whom no one is more aware than me, serves to shatter anything good generated by the first thought. This one-two is quickly followed by several other thoughts: "Don't you dare bother that awesome woman", "Don't look at her, don't talk to her, don't harass/molest/annoy her, you creepy nerd", "How dare you even think about her". Bad, I know. So I do my best to stay distant, to keep from annoying them or being creepy, and to basically not let them know I exist. The end result of this thought process, which takes about 2-3 seconds in the real world, is that women think I'm not interested, or even worse, that I dislike them somehow. When I see that they're feeling this way, because of behavior I cannot seem to stop, I feel like I'm locked in a cage in my head, and I'm rattling the bars and screaming "No, no! That's not it! You're awesome, I'm the loser here!" But I would never say that, because this is my problem, not theirs. But I'm creating a self-fulfilling prophecy with this behavior, and I am at a loss as to how to stop it. This whole process has gotten streamlined lately, so that I go from seeing-hawt-woman to depression-and-withdrawal right away. I don't even like looking at attractive women anymore, because it just ruins my day. I stopped going to Roller Derby, because I ended up being depressed all weekend afterwards.

Now, I can almost see what you're saying in response to this, some of you out there. "Just stop that negative pattern", "Don't let that voice control you", "Fight back against the negative thinking." Believe me, I know how to do all this. I've done it before with other aspects of my life, and I've had great success. Every time I hear that voice I turn around and smash it with the mental/emotional hammer I've used to overcome so many, many other obstacles. But in this one place, I have failed again and again and again, my entire adult life. I have watched some truly, utterly fabulous women pass me by, because I'm trapped in this feedback loop. There are women that I think the world of, that I would do anything for, but they don't know that and I can't make myself say anything to them. I have even had women come gunning for me, and I hoped that that would short-circuit the effect, but it doesn't. It only seems to get worse.

I tried for a while pretending that I didn't feel this way. I thought if I just ignored the voice and acted like I felt okay, eventually I would. And I got pretty far. But at the moment of truth, I locked up. 2-3 years ago, I had a great gal at my house, she was giving off the "I'm ready anytime you are" signals, things were looking good. And I could not make myself lift a damn finger. She ended up leaving after a few hours, clearly very disappointed. It's not that I don't know what to do, it's not that I can't perform, as they say - I cannot believe, even when it's right there living and breathing in front of me, that I could be wanted by someone. Fuji spent years trying to convince me of it, and even still, I never could believe it. I want to believe it. But I cannot overcome this compulsion.

Short answer: I'm fucking crazy.

I have begun to tackle it from a different perspective - rather than thinking of it as a problem in itself, I have begun to question whether or not it is a symptom of something else, something deeper. I have gained a few insights, but I still feel as though I'm staring at a huge black monolith of a problem, it's surface worn smooth with my attempts to erode it away.

I have considered that it's a facet of my paranoia. Being paranoid means you always think someone's talking behind your back while being fake to your face, people are constantly plotting against you somehow, and no one really says what they mean. I've learned over the years to recognize paranoid thoughts and dismiss them. They always disintegrate in the face of logic. Arguments like "Why would Alex think that about you?" or "Why would Sarah say something like that about you? That makes no sense." or "Your bosses have better things to do than come up with elaborate plots to fire you" have always shoved the paranoia monster right back down in his hole. Indeed, the most effective and liberating realization I ever had was that most people don't spend that much time thinking about me at all. Not that I'm unloved, but paranoia is a very self-centered mindset, and slapping it with the strong realization that "it's not about you" shrivels it up like salt on a slug. But when your first instinct is to assume that people are somehow hiding something from you, it feeds the voice that says "She doesn't really like you, she's just being polite because she's a nice person and you're a turd and she pities you." And when I meet someone who really is a nice person, as well as being a stone-cold hottie, and she does something volatile like talk to me (gasp!), then the thought process mentioned above kicks in and I can't even bring myself to say something back to her. And then I look like a massive jerk, or like I'm not interested, or I'm just plain anti-social, and there goes that self-fulfilling prophecy again. And then seeing the effects of my failure brought on by my madness fuels the madness itself (See what you did to her? See how you made her feel! You dick!), and I end up miserable again. And all this poor girl did was walk in the room and smile at me.

Another possibility is a sense of self-perfection that has plagued me since I was a child. My mother, if you give her the slightest provocation, will tell you all about how I would never try something new because I might be bad at it. When I was a kid, I wouldn't play Pac-Man in the arcade with the other kids, because I might be bad at it. I tried roller skating once, fell down, and that was the end of it. Now, as an adult, I see a gorgeous woman, and then I look down at my massive gut and I look around at my house full of video games and think "What the hell makes you think you're good enough?" But here's the clencher: I think, "Okay, weight loss time. Houston, we have motivation. Gonna turn those negative thoughts into positive ones." Part of me says "Ditch the games, goober. Start investing in stocks, get a real job and buy a Porsche if you want a woman. Play the game." But I know that would lead to real serious unhappiness for me, my hobbies bring me too much joy. And I know better than to sacrifice my happiness in the pursuit of companionship, that always ends badly. Eventually, however, I come to the realization that even if I were a millionaire Ivy-League underwear model, I still wouldn't be good enough for myself. It's a game I can't possibly win, and any motivation I had goes out the window. If you can't win, why play?

This too, is fucking crazy.

I'm tired of being crazy. I'm tired of my thoughts going in circles every damn day. I'm tired of being depressed by things that I love. I'm tired of alienating people I would like to attract, I'm tired of coming off as abrasive and off-putting to people I want to get close to. I have some wonderfully patient friends who have been drug through a lot over this, and I've worn out the patience of more than one of them. Poor Amanda has been trying for several years, and every now and then she tests the waters. This post, in a way, is for people like her, and Bob, and Jeremy, and Loreena, and Sarah C., and anyone else who's tried to help me sort this out.

I'm crazy. And I don't know how to stop it.

LJ Info meme

2008-04-29T16:52:40Z

1. My username is _____ because ____.

My username is Mighty BakuDan, although that's sometimes expanded to Mighty Mighty BakuDan. This stems from a joke from waaaay back in the AWOL days, one that I barely remember but that referenced the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. I have stuck with it all these years because it's dang hard to find a recognizable but unique username out there on the internets, and in most places even plain ol' BakuDan is taken. I dropped one Mighty off the begnning because it started to be difficult to type that all the time. And most place won't let you make a username that's 19 characters long.

2. My name is _____ because _____.

My name BakuDan because that was given to me even further back in the AWOL days, when we had both myself and Durkin hanging about all the time. Katieya suggested it to remove confusion, because BakuDan means "bomb" or "explosive" in Japanese, and back in those days I was prone to violent outbursts when losing at video games, which is sadly pretty common. I have mellowed in my old age, however, and I only have violent outbursts when playing certain games.

3. My journal is titled ____ because ____.

My journal is titled My Damn Opinion because it mostly is. I once long ago had a basic personal website called My Damn Opinion, on which I would often spout forth my damn opinion, although I do that less lately on my LJ. My opinions change so often, because I try to examine them and question them and look a the opposite side of things.

4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.

My friends page is called Friends because....I'm lazy, and I didn't even realize I could change it.

5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

My default userpic is Son Goku in his Super Saiyan 3 form. I chose this pic because I am not only a DBZ fan, but the huge mess of blond hair resembles me, at least on occasion. And no one can say that Goku is not mighty. ^_^

Another bizarre dream

2008-04-21T19:12:03Z

So, I'm back in the school again, getting there early and getting it set up. It's not in the same location, but it's still a nice place with good benches and lots of space to work, and one wall all mirror. As I'm getting everything put together, students start showing up and getting ready, looking like a good size class. At one point, Mike and Phil and Ken all show up, and they're glad to see me, and glad that I'm teaching today so they can just work out. As usual, the whole place has the feel of waiting for Kenny to show up, but not really expecting him to. Maybe that feeling was always just in me....

Anyway, we have several new students in the class, and Phil & Mike are helping out, and one of them is a tall, athletic handsome-faced kid, looks like he's about 17-18, and he suddenly starts mouthing off to me. He figures he's a bad ass and he's not impressed with what I'm showing him. Mike and Phil back off like, "Hey it's your funeral, man", and I tell the kid if he's feeling so tough to go gear up and we can see who's bad ass.

I come out a bit later, and everyone else is seated around the floor waiting for the match, and the kid is geared up and looking confident. I come out with what little gear I usually wear, but I'm feeling less than confident. I know I'm out of shape, and this kid is strong enough that he might actually hurt me if I let him hit me. Mike starts us out, and I throw a simple test roundhouse, not even landing it, just coming close and making sure to catch him with the pad. And he suddenly stops, his face grows real pale and he takes off his gear and leaves. Mike shakes his head like "Whatever, kid", as he walks out the door and starts to help me take off my gear. But the whole time I'm watching this kid leave, I can't shake the feeling: was he scared and impressed with what little I did? Or was he disappointed and disgusted, and now doesn't want to waste time learning from me?

I couldn't tell as he was walking away.

Spare any change?

2008-04-18T19:01:03Z

Every now and then I head over to Steve Olsen's blog, because I really like 99% of what he has to say. He's an inspiring, no-nonsense writer, and has given me a lot of insights into my own mentalities and habits. He wrote a very good article for Craig Harper called "Why is it so hard to change?", something I have contemplated myself several times, especially recently. In the article he also recommends checking out Games People Play by Eric Berne. Reading the article really makes me want to get that book.

Check 'em out.

The fall of a beloved public figure

2008-04-09T03:54:02Z

I'm probably a terrible person, but this made me laugh until I cried.

I suppose I'm not as big an asshole as some. ^_^

EDIT: You're not gonna wanna watch this at work. It has bad words and barely covered bewbs.

The Legend

2008-04-01T15:47:32Z

This has to be an April Fools Joke. It HAS to be.

Please...let it be an April Fools joke....it looks like a it was done by SciFi Channel or the USA Network. Oh God no....

Sad but True

2008-03-26T17:07:49Z

Thanks a lot, sixtyforty.

EDIT: For the record, despite the similarity, this is NOT a picture of me.